Guided by psychos - see what I mean?

The adventures of a mostly-blind Irish guy in NY, and the well-meaning but obvious nutcases I contantly meet thereof

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

It's so freakin cold...

What a difference a ride makes. My neighbor's car is in the shop, so I had to take two buses to work, meaning I left almost two hours earlier than usual. (12 minutes by car vs. 1 hour 45 minutes on and off and on the bus).
One of my co-workers gave me bus directions yesterday that would have left me over a mile from work at the route's closest point. I'm glad I didn't remember it well enough when I came home, otherwise I wouldn't have came the way I did, and probably would have been late to boot.
Today was just well.. I don't know how to put this. Someday I might look back at this and think it's stupid or whingy, but right now, it's still under my skin after 12 hours. I had a moment this morning at work where I saw myself as some people see me, and it just kind of sucked.
As much as I like to joke about it (cuz WTF is there else to do but!) I don't really see myself as different. sometimes, I take pride in it, like when I'm having pizza and a beer at Nevada Smith's or something, and I get up and run off to get a slice next door, or just to the bathroom (a route well known after sour apple martini night!). I have a job and friends like anyone. Sh*t, I'm in grad school too. I'm not trying to impress anyone, I'm just doing what I have to. But on another level, I'm kinda proud.
But every now and then, it's slapped in my face, and I see how people sometimes see me, and it freaks me out. I know I'm not supposed to, but how I react to something externally and how I internalize stuff is another. I'm comfortable with who I am, but it bugs me to know that a lot of people see me differently. This is the sh*t that leaves me numb at 10:23 in the morning.


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